Crying

This week it's been 6 months since my Mom died. By 7am Wednesday November 5th 2014 I took a shower and Dave went to tell my students class was cancelled. I had been in the shower for a while when I suddenly started bawling like when I was a little kid. The next morning I woke up about 6am and started to cry out of nowhere. Dave grabbed me and held me while I cried it out. Later that day I told Dave thank you for holding me when I needed it, but he said he didn't remember doing it. Which made me laugh because he never remembers conversations, etc that happen unless he is actually awake. I usually have to ask him if he is awake and he will answer me yes or no before I try to talk to him in the morning. Even though we have only been married 4 years, it was great that his natural instinct was to hold me when I needed it.

At the Gilbert Arizona Temple Open House Feb 2014

We Bought a House

The week before Mom died we got outbid on a house. I was kinda bummed about it. My Aunt Kathy is our realtor, she found out afterward that it was a meth house, so we dodged a bullet. It would have been costly to clean the house before we could move in.

Two days after my Mom's funeral we met with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Phil to look for another house. It just doesn't feel the same at my parents' home without my Mom. We didn't feel comfortable there, plus we were only there to save to buy a house. We found a house near the Frontrunner station and put a bid on it. It was accepted and we moved in on 20 Dec 2014. My dad had told Dave that he wanted us to move out the day of my Mother's death, but the week we moved out I could tell he was dreading our move. This would be the first time he had ever lived by himself. My dad moved out of my Grandparents' house only when he married my Mom.

Dave is really excited that we own a house. It would have taken about 10 years of saving and scrimping to have enough for a down payment on a house in England. One of the benefits of living in America.

Dave found a picture online of our house:

It's gray now and the big tree in front is gone. I don't know what they did with the yard, but it's full of all kinds of weeds. I wish I knew more about botany so I could name all the variety of weeds. This past week we sprayed weed killer for the front yard, it is slowly dying.  

I dug out all the sticker weeds and around the front yard. I found the sprinkler heads, but they don't work. Hopefully we will get rid of all of the weeds and be able to plant flowers, vegetables, and grass next year.

Brylee's Birthday

It's my niece Brylee's Birthday today. 

Brylee and my Mom at Dave and I's wedding.

My Mom and Brylee at the goodbye picnic before they moved to Oklahoma.

After my Mom's funeral one of her cousins posted pictures of her and the Spackman cousins when they were kids. Can you find her?

Mom and Brylee look so much alike! Mom's 4th Birthday and her cousin Brian's 3rd Birthday.

I can't wait for their next visit!

Mom's Funeral

My Mom's funeral was Monday 10 November 2014. The viewing was Sunday evening 9 November 2014. We didn't do a normal announcement in the newspaper, just on the mortuary website. We also asked people to write their favorite things on Mom's facebook page. 

I wrote the family info for the handout at the funeral:

Nancy Joy Jensen Riding

Born August 20, 1951 Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada

Death November 5, 2014 Provo, Utah, USA

Daughter of Edward Quinn and Joyce Lucille Spackman Jensen

Step-Daughter of Afton Graham Jensen

Married May 12, 1972 to Reed Heaps Riding

Children

Teri Riding McCabe married to David McCabe

Corey Riding married to Sara Caldon Riding

Grandchildren

Camion, Brylee, and Adison Riding

Brothers and Sisters

Geoffrey and Linda Jones Jensen

Philip and Kathleen Kershaw Jensen

Sally Jensen and Alan Earl Merryweather

Shelley Graham Brown

Vern Weston and Gaylyn Pemberton Graham

Pallbearers

Corey Riding

Alan Merryweather

Christopher Jensen

Lance Jensen

Dallas Jensen

Jordan Jensen

David Riding

Christopher Riding

Karl Riding

Brandon Quinton

Ben Southwick

Brock Kassing

Travis Romney

Conner Huffaker

Honorary Pallbearer

Caimon Riding

This was the schedule for the funeral:

Family Prayer David McCabe

Chorister Autumn Jensen Southwick

Pianist Brittney Merryweather Romney

Conducting & Presiding Bishop Eric Wing

Opening Hymn 98 I Need Thee Every Hour

Opening Prayer Ruth Kilton

Talk Geoffrey Jensen

Talk Corey Riding and Teri Riding McCabe

Remarks Bishop Eric Wing

Closing Hymn 152 God Be With You ‘Til We Meet Again

Closing Prayer Sara Riding

Dedicatory Prayer at the Cemetery Philip Jensen

Uncle Geoff wrote a great talk about my Mom. Then Corey and I spoke together about our favorite things about my Mom:

I didn’t realize how much she emphasized education until Caimon was old enough for her to play on Starfall with him. If I needed a word spelled I always asked her. She would read all my papers until my PhD, then she couldn’t understand what I was saying.

Mom, our neighbor Kandis, and I go watch click flicks together.

Mom would buy 2 new games for Christmas and we would play them the whole holiday season.

She has super powers. She could get you to do what she wanted you to do without you knowing. When I was a Freshman at Snow College, she got me to break up with my boyfriend. I didn’t even realize it until afterward. But she always used her super powers for good.

She was very supportive of every crazy thing I wanted to do, for example, going to England for my PhD. She even helped me move to Texas and Las Vegas.

When I was in high school, Mom would schedule her classes around my soccer games. She finally graduated with her BA in Family History in August 1994.

When I left the South Africa Cape Town Mission in 1997, I met Mom in London, then we traveled up to Preston so she could do some genealogy on the Rogerson line. She had been researching those ancestors for about 40 years.

She had a phrase she would say to me; “The best kind of Mom is a returned missionary, college educated kind of Mom” She didn’t quit saying that until after I was an RM and graduated from BYU.

Mom paid for everyone’s first passport. She gave Corey and I our application in our Christmas sock the Christmas before we left on mission. She paid for Caimon and Brylee’s before we went to Waterton in 2009. And in August she paid for Adison’s because she wanted to take her and Dave (because they are the only ones that have not been) to Waterton.

Back in May, Dave and I went through our first IVF cycle. After a week of injecting myself with estrogen I couldn’t do it anymore. Dave would do the morning injections and Mom would do the evenings. I knew it was hard for her to watch us have to go through this, but she was brave to stab me with a needle anyway.

Mom knew how to play the piano, but she threatened us when we moved to Provo to not tell anyone. Mom sang Corey and I to sleep when we were young. One time in Idaho, Caimon and Brylee would not calm down with the songs I would sing with them, so we went downstairs and Mom told them the story of their birth. It totally worked.

She loved being the Family History consultant/teacher in the ward. I loved it when she came home and would tell the fun stories about everyone’s ancestors. She just started a new class last week.

She loved talking on Skype with the kids. Thank Heavens for Skype or I would never have survived England without talking to her a few times a week. She burned dinner the night she died because talking with the kids was more important to her.

Mom was a good listener. We would have lunch about once a week when I was in grad school. When I was working at Tooele High School and living in West Jordan, I would call Mom to stay awake while driving home and tell her all about my day.

Mom read books all the time. She always had a pile of books on her night stand.

Dave—loved how much she welcomed him when we moved in with them and her help with his genealogy.

Sara—loved my Mom’s honesty. She told about Corey’s tickle spot.

Adison—loved playing with Grandma on the kindle.

Brylee—loved Grandma's hugs

Caimon—loved playing on the computer together

When Corey and I were 8 she gave us journals to write in. She knew from Family History that journals are a good resource for information. She wrote in her journal about all of you as well. In one entry she wrote the details of Travis’ accident which was the same week that Drew was born. She didn’t just love and care about us, but all of you as well.

Pictures from the Funeral and Viewing

My Mom's siblings and cousins. Some even came from Canada for the funeral.

We had a couple of tables that displayed our favorite pictures of my Mom at the Viewing and Funeral. This is what I wrote on facebook a week after the funeral:  "Last Sunday was my Mom's viewing. We found some great pictures from her life. Hopefully you found yourself in some of those pictures. She will be missed by her family and friends, many whom she helped with their family history, and those who were recipients of her kindness. However, I know my Grandparents are happy to be with her again and our Rogerson ancestors can now thank her in person for the 40+ years of research she did for them." 

People brought some beautiful flowers!

My Mom

Sometime between 10:15pm on Tuesday November 4th and 2am Wednesday November 5th 2014 my Mother died. Dave was the last one to see my Mom when he went downstairs to move the clothes into the dryer. Mom stayed up to watch her tv shows. Somewhere around 2am my dad woke up and noticed my Mom was not in bed. He opened their bedroom door and found her face down on the floor in the upstairs hallway. He called 911 and then yelled for me. I woke up and opened our bedroom door to find her on the floor, then all the CPR and training I've had for the past 20 years kicked in. I went to her head to stabilize it and had my dad and Dave help rotate her body. It took a while to rotate her on her back because of her obesity, but once she was on her back I did the ABC's (airway, breathing, circulation). Her lips were already blue. She wasn't breathing. I decided I needed to do rescue breaths. For a split second I got weirded out that I had to do this on my Mother, but I realized this is my Mother and I need to at least try. I did one rescue breath and her tongue was in the way so I tried to get it out of the way, but it was too slippery. At that point I knew she was gone. I asked my dad where the phone was so I could call 911, but he said he had already called and the phone was on the bed. I picked it up and asked if the police were on their way and the 911 operator said yes. I had Dave go downstairs and look for the police/ambulance outside and direct them where to go. I gave my dad the phone and told him to repeat everything I said to the operator. I tried rescue breathing again holding her tongue, but again no luck. The police showed up by then. I somehow ended up with my Mom's cell phone and began calling my brother while the EMT's attached the automated external defibrillator (AED) to her. The AED did not find any heart activity. Corey did not answer his phone, so I called my Aunt Sally and told her and asked her to call the rest of my Mom's siblings and the rest of the family. I again tried to call Corey, but no answer, so I called his wife's phone. Sara answered and I told her I needed to talk to Corey, she woke him up I told him. I had to stand in my parent's bedroom while they called the coroner to arrange for Mom's body to be picked up. The police then had us all go downstairs so we didn't contaminate evidence. Plus I think they didn't want us to freak out while they put her body into the bag. I called Sister Kilton and our neighbor Sarah, they immediately came over. I didn't know what to do. I sat at the computer in the kitchen. Sarah and Sister Kilton did the dishes. I knew that when a person is in morning they tend to not eat or sleep. Even though I wasn't hungry or tired, I thought if I drank water my body would make it through this. I got on my Mom's laptop and emailed her will to my brother, then printed out copies for me, my dad, and Aunt Sally. The Bishop came over and I gave him a copy of the will also. Until 6am I didn't know what to do except sit in the kitchen. My dad and Dave were in the living room. Once the police came in and asked me questions. Around 6am the coroner and police moved my Mom's body downstairs and out to his vehicle. After that I realized I had pajamas on and was grateful I wasn't walking around with only my underwear on. Aunt Sally and Uncle Alan arrived, read the will, then decided to go to breakfast while they ponder over what had just happened. I went upstairs to take a shower and Dave went to my class to tell them it was cancelled. While I was in the shower I started bawling. I haven't cried that hard in a while. Aunt Sally and Uncle Alan came back about 8am, so I went with them to the funeral home and cemetery to make arrangements. I'm normally a to do list person, but I would randomly remember something and make those phone calls throughout the day. My brain was functioning in morning, very sporatic, not logical or methodically like usual. I spoke to my brother more during that day than in the past few months. Aunt Sally and Uncle Alan dropped off my Mom's temple clothes at the funeral home as they were heading home and the funeral home already had her body and the autopsy found that she died of a pulmonary embolism. A pulmonary embolism is a blood clot in the lungs. The way we found her body now makes sense. It looks like she walked up the stairs, turned off the hallway light and was facing toward the bedroom, but got the blood clot so she face planted. Her arms were down by her side, so her spirit left before her body landed on the floor.

This was only 8 hours. Below are some pictures of her: